Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
