I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
