That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
