So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
