It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
