I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to be your penis for a week.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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