he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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