The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
