Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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