I CAN MOONWALK!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
