WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize