During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
