Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
