I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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