but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So. Much. Porn.
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