I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We have started to decorate penises.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
