i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
