What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
