Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you could order shots online.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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