i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
