and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
