u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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