Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
