do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
