She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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