I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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