All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
