i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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