how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
