i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
