She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
now i know why i became what i already was.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
