He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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