dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
