Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
