i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
