I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
