the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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