You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize