Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
