hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
