i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
