So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
