I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
