I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize