he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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