And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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