DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
