I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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