you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
