She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Vodka?
Forever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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