So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's always time for handjobs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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