"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
