He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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