Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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