Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
