Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
