WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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