come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
